Good Fence Keep Out Zombie IRS Agents!

Bytab

Title: Fortify Your Property Against the Dreaded Zombie IRS Agents
Because sometimes, you need more than just a good accountant.

We’ve all heard the stories around the campfire: Zombie IRS Agents, stumbling through the countryside, relentless in their pursuit of back taxes and overdue paperwork! Truth or tall tale, Texans don’t take chances. If you’re worried these undead auditors might invade your personal space, here’s the definitive guide to building a fence robust enough to withstand even the most dogged number-cruncher from beyond the grave.

1. Plan Your Defensive Perimeter

Start by marking your property lines with bright paint or flags—zombies (undead or otherwise) have an uncanny knack for ignoring subtle boundaries. You’ll want a wide perimeter to give yourself room if they start rapping on the fence for those missing receipts.

Tip: Include a buffer zone for any future expansions—like adding a panic room or a moat. (Moats make it extra tricky for the undead to shuffle to your front door.)

2. Choose the Right Materials

  1. Steel Palisade – The formidable look alone might send zombie suits scurrying for a new target.

  2. Thick Wood Panels – Who says you can’t fight corporate nightmares with rustic charm? Plus, heavy lumber can handle the repetitive knocking of a zombified bureaucrat.

  3. Wrought Iron – Classic, durable, and downright medieval—a perfect style statement that says, “Keep out, no matter how many times you ask for my W-2 forms.”

3. Height & Angles Are Key

You might think a 6-foot fence is enough, but have you ever seen an auditor determined to collect a 1040? Go taller—8 to 10 feet—and consider installing an inward-facing curve at the top to prevent climbing. Sure, these zombies might have limited motor skills, but it never hurts to be thorough when taxes are at stake.

Bonus Feature: Electric wire along the top. Nothing like a jolt to remind the undead they’re trespassing.

4. Reinforce Critical Access Points

  1. Gates – Make them as sturdy as Fort Knox’s vault door. Install heavy-duty locks and reinforce hinges to withstand repeated “Hello, you owe us!” banging.

  2. Corner Posts – Secure posts in concrete footings at least 2 feet deep. The scariest undead are the ones who know how to undermine a fence’s foundation.

  3. Latches – Zombies might not have top-tier fine-motor skills, but a complicated latch (maybe with a hidden release) will buy you precious time to shred those questionable receipts—kidding!

5. Camouflage & Distractions

  • Shrubs and Vines: Plant thick greenery around the fence line to break the line of sight. A confused Zombie IRS Agent is less likely to pester you for itemized deductions.

  • Decoy Office Door: If you’re feeling extra crafty, set up a mock “office entrance” with dummy documents pinned to the door. They’ll be so busy rummaging for returns that you can watch from the comfort of your real home.

6. Maintenance & Vigilance

A fence is only as good as its upkeep. Regularly inspect posts, tighten bolts, and re-stain or repaint to keep everything in tip-top shape. After all, an unmaintained fence screams “We’re behind on everything!”—and that’s the last message you want to send to a hungry tax collector, undead or alive.

7. Last-Resort Tactics

  • Emergency Floodlights: Nothing repels an undead auditor quite like being fully illuminated with no shady corners to hide.

  • Alarm Siren: The shrill cry of a siren may just scare them off… or at least summon your neighbors to help with some comedic “zombie IRS” roleplay.

  • Pro-Grade Repellent: Word on the street is that they hate the smell of coffee-laced 1099 forms. Spritz some around the fence if things get desperate.

Final Words

Sure, the existence of Zombie IRS Agents might still be an urban legend—an eerie ghost story passed around farm bonfires. But in Texas, we’d rather be safe than sorry! By building a robust, well-planned fence, you’ll be prepared for any unwanted visitor, living or otherwise.

Remember: It’s all in good fun! If actual IRS concerns arise, your best defense is a competent accountant, not barbed wire. But in the spirit of self-preservation and humor, nothing beats a fortified perimeter designed to make even the undead reconsider their mission to collect those back taxes.

Now go forth and build—your property’s safety (and your sense of humor) depend on it.